from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live! goodbye to midnight." (cheers and applause) and now, for the last time at this time, >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live" good-bye to midnight. and for now for a last time at this time, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. that's very nice. welcome i'm jimmy. this is our good-bye to midnight special. we are moving to 11:35 in most of the country and 10:35 central. i would like to guide you down a midnight memory lane. you will see some of my favorite moments from midnight here at

abc. we have had good guests over the years and bad ones too. but we will try to focus on the positive. these are a few of our all time greatest guest moments. how are things on "e.r."? ♪ >> dude, you look great, by the way. ♪ >> some of the ladies in attendance believe there is a chance you will make love to them. >> i was hoping you and i could talk. >> are you tired of people telling you how great you are? do you get bored of that? >> not really. there has to be an easier way to get eggs. ♪ >> there we go. >> two, three, four!

>> i had dinner with your daughter last night? >> what? >> you were there! here we me out! here me out! ♪ >> what is this? >> what stuff of mine do you like? top ten list? >> that's hilarious. jaywalking. i love that stuff. great man, let's go. >> who is a better guest, letterman or me? >> more excited about letterman? >> definitely. >> what can i do for you that you haven't been able to do for yourself? >> just live with me for a month. >> how do did you get into show business? >> that is none of your business. >> tell them and i'll listen in. >> meet my fitness guru, jimmy k. >> we're working hard to put food on our tables. >> you're working hard to put

food on our family. >> we share a level of nice. >> and there is one andy. >> nice off! >> i can't believe how much weight you lost. i didn't think it was possible for you to be more handsome than you were but i guess i was wrong. >> your eyes are so blue. when i look into them through my normal yucky brownish eyes, it's like really it's like looking into two circles of heaven. and i love that scarf. [ cheers and applause ] >> run! ♪ >> josh groban's the best tweets of kanye west.

♪ can we pizza toast to the [ bleep ] ♪ it started with a whisper. up and at 'em. let's it. >> do they bite? >> no. yeah, a little bit. [ speaking foreign language ]. >> what if one of your children grew up to be not gay, would you still love that child? >> no. >> you would not. >> relax. it's going to be fine. >> holy cow. >> you're really going -- >> the word avocado is the aztec for testicles.

>> my daughter sophie and i are competing in the miss sexy baby nevada contest. >> sexy feet. sexy feet. >> ♪ it started with a whisper ♪ >> i have been saying her name all day. >> that is strange for me. >> i would like to save your whole head if that is possible. would you allow me to do that? >> yeah. >> i imagine you losing your virginity at 6 years old. >> all right. >> not often i imagine that. >> keep your eyes up here when we're talking. >> how do we get back? >> the same way we came. >> oh, know. >> jimmy: did you know a bit of show trivia, every guest on our show uses the same coffee cup

and we never wash it. coming up next a look at the most magical guest who ever visited us. please stay tuned for oprah. oprah winfrey.

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♪ welcome back. this is the "jimmy kimmel live! goodbye to midnight" special. we've got new shows all this week at our new time slot, >> jimmy: welcome back. this is the "jimmy kimmel live" good-bye to midnight special. we have all new shows with jennifer aniston, no doubt, brad paisley, bruno mars and many more. join us tomorrow night. this is one of the big reasons why. earlier this year i had a chance to spend a day with someone who i made a lot of fun with over the years. there was no good reason for oprah to do my show. and she did and she was wonderful in every way. she even did tequila shots with us after the show. she bought a bunch of bottles of tequila and we drank them. do you know why she did that? because she is oprah.

the idea we pitched is that i would pitch show ideas for her network. she liked the idea and so we did it. >> jimmy kimmel! >> you startled me. nice to meet you. >> it's nice to meet you too. i'm looking forward to hearing your ideas. have a seat. >> thank you. so should i start right in? >> yes. >> okay. so your network, the oprah winfrey network, own. remember when you gave away your favorite things on your old show? those were your favorite things, right? now you don't have them any more because you gave them away. on this show, you take them back. remember how everyone jumped up

and down and screamed and cried when you gave them all that stuff. imagine how much they'll cry when you take it back. [ laughter ] >> i get a car! i get a! ♪ who let the dogs out >> that's stealing. >> it's not stealing. you're oprah, you're just taking your things back. you know? >> those are bath beads. >> okay. so that's -- no. a no? >> what else you is? >> celebrity interviews. you've done those right?

on this show you and i would interview people together called the jimmy and oprah interview. >> jimmy and oprah interview? >> we could take care of the title but here's what i'm thinking. >> welcome to the jimmy and oprah interview show. we're here with jennifer aniston. >> it's great to be here. >> [ overlapping speakers ] >> yes -- it's difficult. it can be difficult. yes, the movie is called "wanderlust." [ overlapping speakers ] >> no. [ overlapping speakers ] >> it's good. go on. i have no idea what is happening here. >> when we come back. [ overlapping speakers ]

>> her name is not gary. >> i think two hosts asking questions at the same time might be too confusing. >> on view they have eight people at once and that works. >> let's come back to that one. >> okay. this is for the woman who wants more romance in her life. now imagine the most romantic place possible. the bathroom. this show is called oprah after dark. hello, "o." >> oh.

[ screaming ]. >> let's move on. >> really? i'm just saying that sex sells and i have something they call "it." >> i have the dalai lama online three. >> tell him i'll call him back. >> i can wait. >> he's not really on the phone. she does that when she knows i want to wrap things up. >> oh. >> anything else? >> all right. your book club. that was great, right? that was a big success. but let's be honest, reading is like the most boring thing in the world. so this show takes your book club and gives it a twist. salient point but have you thought about this? which character had the most to

lose in clearly the hero isn't scout or atticus it's tom robinson. >> not boo radly. >> he is a side character. >> when is the last time you read this book? >> are you asking when is the last time i read "to kill a mockingbird"? >> yeah. >> that's my husband! >> book club fight sclub! [ cheers and applause ]

>> you're just pounding them. >> thank you so much for coming, jimmy. >> i have one more idea. it's best one yet, okay? just one more, please? >> this better be good. >> doctors. you love them right? dr. oz and dr. phil. neither of them are a real doctor. get ready for an appointment with the best doctor yet. i'm dr. vijaja. open wide. there's one more part. ♪ doctor, doctor give me the news i've got a bad case of loving you ♪ >> two and a half steadman.

>> i was thinking i wanted to pitch an idea to you. >> i'm all ears. >> it's called bye jimmy. >> bye jimmy. i like that. >> not by jimmy. it's bye jimmy. >> i'm not following. >> as in -- >> ms. winfrey i have maya angelou online two. >> don't worry. he's gone. >> can i tell you something? and i'm being honest when i say this, the thee weeks i spent in her dungeon for punishment for that were the greatest three weeks in my life. i will take you back next to the first time we said hola to a little fella named guillermo. >> what are you going to tell

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starting at just $9.99. uh, welcome back to the "jimmy kimmel live! goodbye to midnight" special. tomorrow we say goodbye to midnight as move to 11:35, but tonight we look back >> jimmy: welcome back to the "jimmy kimmel live" good-bye to midnight special. we move to 11:35 tomorrow. but tonight we look back at the biggest events over our last ten years and none were bigger than when i met this guy, my good pal guillermo. people ask me was guillermo the security guard? he was the security guard in the back parking lot and he liked to take siestas in the cars of our co-workers including our announcer. most would get fired for that. but in this show we bet put you on tv. do you remember the first time you were on the show? >> yes.

i was very nervous. >> michael jackson was in the news a lot back then. i think he had legal troubles and people were trying to cash in on the attention he was getting and one of the women who danced in the video for the way you make me feel. she wrote a book. so we thought it would be funny to say the guy who catered that music video wrote a book too. >> he was always very hungry. he likes tuna fish and read it in my book the way i make his meals. buy the book. >> i don't know what happened to that guy. but you get cuter and cuter and fatter every year. you really do. if you watch the show, guillermo went on to start on hundreds if not millions of sketches. this is guillermo in a promo for "the borne ultimatum" with the

extremely overrated matt damon. . >> we have a situation forming. >> coming online. >> jason borne is within 100 yards of this building. >> they gave you so many identities. >> borne, cheever. cain. you were one of the first ones in the program. >> that was olson. >> hi, noah it's me, borne identity. >> i was wondering when you were going to make this call. >> where are you? >> i'm in my office. >> i doubt that. >> why do you say that? >> because i'm sitting in your office. >> i've got borne!

♪ [ laughter ] >> listen very careful what i have to tell you. i remember. i remember everything. [ laughter ] who the hell you? >> i am jason borne identity. >> are you from kimmel? >> no. >> stay right there. now he wants to bump me from my own [ bleep ] movie? huh? you can't say it right. it's jason. >> yason. >> jason. j, j, jason. >> yeah, yeah, yason.

>> did kimmel send you here? >> who jimmy kimmel? >> i didn't say jimmy. >> no speak english. >> i asked you a question. >> come here, buddy. hey, hey. [ laughter ] >> tell kimmel he can't bump me from my own movie. you understand me? >> a little bit. >> you understand me? don't you answer me unless i ask you a direct question. that was my fault. that was a question. answer me!

>> what was the question? >> what are you going to tell jimmy kimmel when you see him? answer me! >> no to bomb you. >> why would he do that? >> what the [ bleep ] is this? i mean, are you [ bleep ] kidding me? i mean, seriously, are you kidding me? jimmy kimmel is bumping me from my own [ bleep ] movie? for who? guillermo? [ bleep ], kimmel. >> when we come back, more of matt damon. this time with music and a lot more foul language too. right back. ♪ i'm (bleep) ben affleck ♪ he's (bleep) ben affleck ♪ while you and matt are swappin' spit ♪ "ever ask somebody to lend you a foot?" >

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on the first day you take it. ♪ welcome back to our "goodbye to midnight" special. starting tomorrow night, we'll be seen at 11:35. "nightline" will be on after us. >> jimmy: welcome back to our good-bye to midnight special. tomorrow we will be on at 11:35. every night at the end of the show i bump matt damon. i thank the guests and say sorry to matt damon. i thought it was a joke until my ex-girlfriend presented me with this video as a gift for my 40th birthday. >> ♪ i'm [ bleep ] matt damon. >> she's [ bleep ] matt damon. >> she's [ bleep ] matt damon. >> i'm [ bleep ] matt damon. >> on the bed, on the floor, on

a towel by the door in the tub in the car up against the mini-bar. >> i'm [ bleep ] matt damon. >> enough. that video is -- that video has been seen on youtube something like 80 million times. it was a big deal for us. while it's difficult to top something like that, i dare say we did top it thanks to a lovely man named ben. >> hi, sarah. it's been a long time. i guess you've been busy with matt damon. i've been busy too. i'm been thinking about us and you and him and i'm happy for you. i really am. the sexiest man alive. >> i found somebody pretty sexy too. i don't know if you've heard but -- i'm [ bleep ] fen

affleck. >> he's [ bleep ] ben affleck. >> i said i'm [ bleep ] ben affleck. >> hey, sarah, he's got bigger tits. >> excuse me -- >> is someone here [ bleep ] ben affleck? >> i am. i [ bleep ] him. >> great. sign here. >> thank you. >> congratulations on [ bleep ] ben affleck. >> ah. >> what you wish for? >> this feeling inside it's like a million butterflies flying high. like diamonds in your eyes when i'm [ bleep ] you ben affleck i

feel like i can fly. ♪ walking in the park you can't stop this love affair [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. >> this is not a man crush [ bleep ] our friend ben and we all -- >> we all hope matt will understand! >> [ bleep ] ben [ bleep ] ben affleck. >> jimmy [ bleep ] ben after fleck like they're in frizz. >> affleck's the guy. >> [ bleep ] night and day. just ask jimmy.

>> [ bleep ] at all. >> [ bleep ] in the bathroom stall. >> oh, he [ bleep ] him. [ bleep ] ben affleck. he's [ bleep ] ben! >> [ bleep ] ben [ bleep ] ben affleck. >> jimmy's the one [ bleep ] that ben affleck. >> we are [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ]. >> whoa [ bleep ] ben. [ bleep ] ben affleck. he's the one [ bleep ].

>> [ bleep ] ben [ bleep ] ben affleck. >> [ bleep ] jimmy's the one [ bleep ] [ bleep ] ben and jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's pretty [ bleep ] good. >> jimmy: still to come, more man meat than you can imagine, a meeting of the handsome men's club when we return. why are you still here? >> i happen to have one of the best bodies here. >> you do? >> yeah, i do.

>> he's wearing spanx. [ laughter ] >> no i'm not. p tough messes. [ phone ding! ] another dare. they're proving that viva doesn't play by the rules. dunk it again for the close-up. my fans think a paper towel can't handle this. ♪ that is tough when wet. at least the fame hasn't gone to their heads. [ peggy ] grab viva and break the rules on all your tough messes. the camera loves your mom. she's a natural. mr. parker! sir... excuse me, excuse me... can i get you to sign off on the johnson case... ♪ we built this city! don't let food hang around. ♪ on rock & roll! [ orbit trumpet plays ] clean it up with orbit! [ ding! ] fabulous! for a good clean feeling... eat. drink. chew orbit.

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while thermocontrol wicks moisture away. ♪ hi there. you're watching the "jimmy kimmel live! goodbye to midnight" special decade in review. tomorrow night we move to 11:35. >> jimmy: hi there. you're watching the "jimmy kimmel live" good-bye to midnight special decade in review. tomorrow night we move to 11:35. you knew that right, guillermo? >> yes. >> jimmy: over the last ten years we bring a group of celebrities together like an all-star charity event but without the benefit to charity and one of our most successful efforts was the meeting known as the handsome men's club.

>> you're handsome. you're perfect. you're incredible. you are one good-looking son of a bitch. good job, mom. amazing. holy [ bleep ]. >> okay. the meeting of the handsome men's club will now come to order. first order of business is with patrick. how much did we raise at the car wash? >> $75 million. >> jimmy: really? great. that is great. >> i know. >> jimmy: good call on making it topless. >> losing the shirt never hurts. >> where are we on handsome for the homeless? clooney's on it. >> jimmy: sting, mirrors down. >> sorry. i was lost in my own eyes. >> reporter: new applicants we

have the kids from "twilights" all for handsome? all opposed? i don't know. i don't see handsome yet. going to overrule this one. not handsome. cute. >> what's wrong with cute? >> there's a quota and you filled it. >> liev schreiber. >> i can't see. >> ted, maybe if you can be here in person we wouldn't have to do this. >> quiet, kimmel. evaluating handsomeness. >> show of handsome? >> handsome. >> all opposed? >> i don't know.

his facial hair is kind of reddish. overruled. >> why are we even voting on this crap? >> any old business? >> no old business. >> excuse me. i never got a response tomy request to legally change my name. >> change it to what? >> handsome hawke. >> approved. >> i'd like to make a motion. >> matthew has the floor. >> i move we vote for a new president. >> motion denied. >> why is the motion denied? >> because we have the best president in the world, me. >> maybe you shouldn't be president. maybe you shouldn't be in the club, jimmy. >> pardon me? >> i think he said we had to be voted into the club and you didn't. >> he's just saying.

you don't know what he's saying. that's not what he was saying. >> that is what i was saying. >> let's have a vote on whether or not you're handsome. >> thank you. >> i second that. >> there was a vote. america voted. maybe you have heard of people's sexiest man alive in which i have a three-page spread. >> that was clearly a joke. >> you're a joke. >> no you're a joke. >> at least i'm a funny joke. >> that's why i didn't want foreigners in the club. >> [ speaking foreign language ]. >> you are not handsome. >> are you nuts? >> i am handsome. i happen to have one of the best bodies here. >> you do? >> yeah you do. >> he's wearing spanx. >> no, i'm not. >> oh, yeah? what's this?

>> spanx. >> [ bleep ] spanx. >> those are my superhero tights. i fight crime in them. and now you know my secret identity and your lives are all in danger. good job. good luck staying alive. >> you're fat. >> you're fat. i'm handsome. i'm a lot more handsome then a lot of you. look at romo. look at the size of his ears. right? can't get his hat on frontways ever because his ears are so big. >> yep. >> look at keith. keith has lady hair. >> i'm handsome. ask anyone. td. show them one thing. he is handsome right? we look exactly alike. exactly. >> not exactly. >> exactly.

go back to your seat. >> hey, nobody in this room besides you thinks that you're handsome. >> i think you're damn handsome. >> thank you, lenny kravitz. >> come on, lenny. >> handsome doesn't come from here. handsome comes from here. yeah, i have flaws. >> i have flaws. >> my eyes are too piercing. >> my eyes are too piercing. >> and my skin is too soft and smooth. >> my skin is to soft. >> eni have the breasts of a 14-year-old girl. >> the breasts of a 14-year-old girl,ay. >> what's important is i'm handsome inside. >> from within idea. >> that's what matters. physical beauty fades. >> beauty fades. >> look at sting.

>> look at sting. >> i believe children are our future. >> i believe -- >> i'm trying to talk here. can you give it a rest? >> i had your back you punk-assbitch. >> gentlemen, i'm handsome and proud to be president of the handsome men's club now and forever. >> show of handsome? ♪ >> ben, say something. ♪

>> show of not. not. >> not. >> not. >> not. >> not. >> not. >> that's how it is, huh? fine. i'll leave. with my head held handsome. and these pizzas. >> don't -- don't -- don't -- >> before i go, though, i want to leave you with a parting thought. dr. phil teaches us when the roost -- >> sorry, kimmel we've run out of time. [ laughter ]

>> wake up. wake up. >> what? what's wrong? >> i had a nightmare. >> we were in a club together and matthew mcconaughey was there and was really mean to me and you said i wasn't handsome. >> come on, you know i think you're handsome. you're my handsome. you're my most handsome. you're my big handsome. >> that's enough. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ he's got the breasts of a

14-year-old girl ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a great thing about it, none of those guys ever worked in hollywood again. when we come back we are in the middle of a war, folks, a war between parents and children. a look at one of the times we messed with the kids on the good-bye to midnight "jimmy kimmel live" special when we return. >> i went to a lot of houses. >> i know, i ate it all. it tasted so good. especially the peanut buttercups. >> you sneaky mom. ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain; it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing, upset stomach, and abnormal vision. to avoid long-term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away

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and return to sleep again. welcome back. this is the, uh, "jimmy kimmel live! goodbye to midnight" special. this is my friend guillermo. >> jimmy: welcome back. this is the "jimmy kimmel live"

good-bye to midnight special. this is guillermo. we move to 11:35 tomorrow night. we thought it a good time to review the last ten years a big part of which is kids. when i was a kid my mom did weird things to me usually until i cried and well beyond she was laughing. she is a sick woman and i grew up to be a sick man. so last year i thought it would be a good idea to have parents pretend they ate all the halloween candy and post the video on youtube. >> i ate it all, blake. i ate yours too, allen. >> me and mommy ate it last night when you were asleep. >> i ate all your halloween candy last night.

>> i think i ate all your candy. >> no! no. >> i'm so sorry. >> very, very sorry, rachel. i ate all your halloween candy. how much was it? oh, oh, rachel i'm sorry. you know i like candy. you still love me? >> uh huh. >> i ate all the candy. >> what? >> i'm pregnant and i get really hungry and i ate all of it. >> i'm going to check. you didn't eat all the candy. you get more candy? >> i ate them last night and

took them to work with me. >> why did you do that? why! >> last night we stayed up and ate all your candy. are you okay with that? >> no! >> no! >> why? >> natalie, calm down, natalie. >> dad, you're ugly! >> i ate all your candy. you have no more halloween candy left. >> you ate it? what the heck? >> mom. >> don't you think you ate enough last night? >> no. i had one bite of candy. are you serious? you're probably going to get a belly ache. why do you need so much candy? mom there's two. >> two what? >> two bags of candy.

>> two plus two equals five. >> you were so close. do you see how much i had. i went to a lot of houses. >> i know. i ate it all. it tasted so good especially the peanut buttercups. >> you sneaky mom! >> i'll do whatever i can to stop the obesity epidemic. i'll be right back when we come back to tuck you in and take one last look at something do you know what we're looking at? >> i don't know. >> we don't know.

here you go little man. [ humming ] [ babbling ] the cheerios bandit got you again? [ both laugh ] ♪ the one and only, cheerios ...and now... you! [ giggles ] ♪ the one and only, cheerios

♪ (cheering) okay. thank you for staying up all the way to the last moments of our last show at midnight. we'll never be on later than this again. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you for staying up to the last moments of our last show at midnight. we'll never be on later than this again. you realize that? that? >> yes. >> jimmy: starting tomorrow we move to 11:35. are you ready? >> i'm ready. >> our guests will be jennifer aniston and no doubt. what is your favorite no doubt song? your number one favorite no doubt song. we have plenty of time. i'll wait. >> i don't remember. >> maybe you will figure it out. it has been a pleasure